It has a ring to it. . .

I lost my engagement ring. Recovered now, I wasn't telling anyone (except Sean), that it was missing. I wasn't worried. I knew it was somewhere at home.

I know why it got lost. Because I have to take it off all the time. It is sharp I don't sleep with it. It also isn't a very smooth ring so it gets crud in it if I plant herbs or do dishes with it on. That's how it disappeared; I take it off a lot; I must have been doing something dirty and then it disappeared. Come to think of it I believe I was at pottery class. Nonetheless, it has been found again.

It has been an interesting process for me though- not wearing it for awhile. Before I was engaged, I was pretty against engagement rings. After all, when I thought my partner had to spend several thousand dollars on a hunk of medal and an unjustly mined rock-it seemed unnecessary. But when I inherited this ring I thought to use it; itw as nice to be able to fit into a social norm without having to overlook injustices. A lot of people don't have that privlege. I have enjoyed wearing it some days. I like the "status," I like that people who don't know me very well would ask me if I was engaged. On the other hand I liked to not wear it some days if only to say that my relationship with Sean is not confined to the need for adornments.

We went to Kennebunkport this weekend on retreat to plan the wedding ceremony. I became aware, as we were checking in that as far as my hands are concerned I'm not engaged or married. Sean wears an engagement ring that I got him, wearing a band, looks married. Did people think he is cheating on his spouse? If he looked 45 and I looked 25 would that change people's perceptions? Really though all we did was change normative gender roles. Usually the man doesn't wear and engagement ring and the woman does. But for a couple weeks that changed.

Nothing major happened. I just became aware of not being percieve as "belonging" to anyone. Aware of my empty hands as communicating a status that I hadn't ever recognized when I was single. Aware also that the habit of wearing an engagement ring has become something I've bought into. Culturally, enjoying the satus but also as a way of wearing my commitment to Sean and communicating to the world a certain intention toward him.


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