Simply 3 hours of alone time.

Should I hang up bunting?  That's how exciting this is!

I have an overnight retreat tonight at work.

This means that I'm going in late.
 This also means that we still took Junia to daycare and Sean still went to work because I am still going into work.

So what then is this wierd void? Alone time in my house?  Praise the Lord we don't live in community! Or live in a house with 10 other relatives. Or have roommates. Or any of the other sort of mixes that happen in households.  Because I am getting some legit alone time here.

Much to my surprise I am happy to leave the pile of laundry on the living room floor.
Or a gift baby quilt on the sewing machine.
or the kitchen piled with dishes.

Rather, I am going to take my journal.
And a novel I am trying to finish reading.
and another book I am working through down to the neighborhood bakery.
I am going to order a latte.
Two pastries.

And I am going to sit until I start to think about other things.

And, wouldn't you know it today is even sunny.

Prayer for Peace- and curiosity

Yesterday I prayed this prayer at an inter-faith prayer for peace.  I was invited explicitly as a Roman Catholic lay minister and was expected/invited to pray from that perspective.  I found it deeply challenging to speak from my perspective as a liberal feminist lay Roman Catholic but also I didn't want to add layers of confusion to anyone who wasn't familiar with diversity within the Catholic tradition.

As you can read, or pray, or find, I didn't push at all with gender language or reinterpretation in a challenging way.  But I feel like I was authentic and moreover- I really am coming to believe that curiosity about one another might be a real source of bringing people together.

Lord God,


You are ever curious about all people.



As the gospels share,

in your living on earth you were always wanting to take in those around you for who they were.



When you met the sick, or ostracized.

When you met the oppressed or unknown.

When you met minorities or the unwelcome

Even when you met the powerful and elite.



You took the time to sit.
To welcome.

To talk.

To know people.



In the spirit of your curiosity about people of all kinds

May we become like you.

Embracing others out of a deep desire to know them.

To understand.

To move away from our preconceived notions.

And to become people of peace.



In the spirit of taking risks to be with people

May our gathering today inspire future conversations.

Depth of understanding

Richness in friendship.



In the spirit of your living, dying and rising

May we become people

Committed to love.

Prophetic in word.

Authentic in our striving for peace.



We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.


-Written by Rachel Doll O'Mahoney

Why the Visitation of Mary isn't working for me...

In prayer this morning our leader had chosen "the visitation" or where Mary visits Elizabeth to reflect on and frankly it pissed me off.


http://artsandfaith.com/index.php?showtopic=20124



Mary Visits Elizabeth.

During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill country in haste to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit,^s cried out in a loud voice and said, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.^t And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord^* should come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed are you who believed^* that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled.” (from tnew New American Bible- copied from teh USCCB website http://www.usccb.org/bible/luke/1)

So I've been thinking about this reading today.  Thinking about how for a lot of Catholics this is a week filled with zeal about the right to life protests and I got pissed.  Maybe I am sick of fetus' having such a loud voice in my tradition when I feel like often women have no voice at all...



http://www.heqigallery.com/gallery/gallery3/pages/3-TheVisitation.html



The person with the most power in the whole story is a fetus, a freakin' fetus. Sure a much beloved and prophetic fetus but hi movement is what validates Elizabeth's words.  Let me just tell you- that as I write this, as I have been thinking about this, as I prayed with this, my 27 week old fetus has been "leaping" all over my womb.  Because, frankly that is what fetus' do.



I am frustrated that Elizabeth cannot stand on her own authority. That her voice has to be validated by John.  I am frustrated because so many women I love and know believe that their voices must be validated by others.  I find this heartbreaking...

How many women believe their self worth is validated by men?

Or their proof that they are good parents is their children?

Or their belief in the beauty of their bodies is validated by superficial constructs of beauty?

I want Elizabeth to say..."Mary my sister and friend who is visiting me...you are  blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb." And then I want them to sit down as pregnant women do an gripe about being uncomfortable and swoon about the work that their bodies are doing. I want Elizabeth to share with Mary that since her arrival the baby has been moving at the sound of her voice...and how profound that seems to her.

But I want Elizabeth's voice to be one of strength. I dream that for her.

Bishops get your hands out of Legal Marriage..

Catholic marriage is an official sacrament. Which means that somehow Catholics believe that marriage connects people to God in a unique and powerful way.

Legal marriage is a swapping of rights.  Who gets to make decisions for who...

Catholic marriage is about creating life from love.

Legal marriage is not about creating...umm...tax revenue??

Catholic marriage is about finding God in the ordinary of sharing life with another.

Legal marriage is about who gets to keep the ordinary when someone dies...

A picture from my favorite wedding!
http://eplightphotography.com/home.html

Here in Washington the state legislature is debating and voting on whether or not gay marriage should be legal.  I am of the opinion that someday we will look at this argument as ridiculous.  That 100 years from now our great grandchildren will laugh at us and say that only bigots would say that gays should not be married.  Just as people two hundred years ago were arguing about slavery...and we look back and think they were fools...

The thing for me is that as a Catholic the Catholic Church doesn't understand marriage in the same way that the state of Washington does. So I just wish they would stay out of the state debate.   And since I don't feel threatened at all by my gay brothers and sisters being legally married (in fact I feel the opposite) I can't quite fathom why the church does as well.  I just want to shout out, "if you really believe in the sacrament of marriage- and its meaning then just let the state be."

If Catholics want to change the church's position on who can and cannot receive the sacrament of marriage  it's not a flip of a switch or a law- it involves reconstruction of our understanding of sex, gender, sperm, scripture...and a couple other major things.  It is the work of a generation of theologians and taking St. Thomas Aquinas in his context rather than in ours...the whole thing ain't gonna happen that fast.

So relax Archbishops you should be scared about a whole lot of other stuff- in the meantime wash your hands of the state and take care of your sacraments.

Seriously this was a great wedding.
http://eplightphotography.com/home.html 

You aren't welcome...

Am I nesting?

 Picture Credit: http://listsoplenty.com/pix/the-unwelcome-mat

Probably not. I think I am in New Year's mode.  But our guestroom is a freakin' disaster right now.  It's not dirty as much as just messy. There are bins of winter clothes half emptied, bins of clothes that don't fit me and I don't care to look at until after this baby is born. There are bins of swaddling blankets and baby crap. An old dresser, a desk we don't want anymore, piles of folded clean sheets, towels, and various assundry of such things that haven't made it into the closet, a twin bed set on its side.

Oh, not to mention all the other things that usually belong in a guestroom.

The big project that is underway is the repainting of a dresser we scored in the neighborhood.  Big enough for two kids stuff.  So seven drawers have been primed, three have been painted, and all are hanging out in the guestroom.

We are trying to figure out some good systems for organizing toys. Right now our best system is taking a load of stuff to goodwill every week!

So all in all,   I think with a couple days notice we could offer hospitality but if you show up right now we could feed you but you'll have to sleep with the dog!

Baby Quilt- Auction item

Does having a skill always mean that you know how inadequate your skill is?  My professional work isn't very "skills" based and for the most part parenting and relationships aren't "skills" based either.  But sewing, is some intuition and feeling but it is also mostly just skill...

I finished my third quilt last night.  This one is for our the St. Mary's No-Waste Auction.  It feel pretty different to me that people are going to spend money on this.  It's not a gift for someone or something to have around the house...this is something that someone is going to buy...and so I am VERY aware of its inadequacies.

I think anyone who makes things has an ongoing list of mistakes that this project contains.  When I am giving something away or it is just for us that doesn't really matter to me...but giving it as a product feels different.

 And my fear is that someone who really knows how to sew and quilt will be at the auction and will see what a shoddy job it is.  Hopefully they will also say to themselves, "I guess I should have donated something?!"

And, even though I am more experienced and better trained at making clothing (esp for children) it's hard to donate a wardrobe to an auction or even an item because kids are so many different sizes.

But off it goes. Probably (hopefully) to be added to whole kit of baby stuff.

What to do with a toddler? Snowed in and functional...

Do I seem bitter over the past couple of days?  Perhaps if you are a facebook friend and a blog reader the answer is yes.  I have found being snowed-in painful.  Figuring out what to do with myself and a two year old for 10+ hours a day has been a challenge for me.  In fact, two of the mornings I went online (during Sesame Street of course) and from that made lists of things I thought we could do together....That at least made me feel like TV wasn't my only back-up.

Well, I hope that my challenge is your amusement...Here's a collection of  our fun and no so fun projects. Because even if I haven't been having a great week of snow days we have still been keeping busy.

So in no particular order here is what we have been doing on our Mama/Junia snow days:

Trying to go outside- only for it to end in tears and several pairs of gloves.
And, no she isn't bleeding from her lip it is chocolate from 3 hours before.

Building forts.
"Thanks Mama." She says.
15 minutes later after every toy has been put under the sheet she says,
"I don't like this." 

Fighting it out.
"I want my Papa."
"I want your Papa too."

Start working on painting the dresser drawers to a new dresser.
So far all I have done is patch the handle holes of three of the drawers.  Yeah, this project isn't going very well.

Cleaning up messes.
Of toys.
Of food.
Of toys again.
Of crap the dog took out of the trashcan and chewed on.
Of snow clothes
Cleaning up many many many messes.
Does our house look clean?
No.

Making pie crust.
Making pie.
Making Quiche.
Eating Quiche.
Eating Pie.
Wash a ton of dishes.

Painting.  We paint a lot around here.

Making Valentines.
Step 1- Paint some cardstock using red paints.
Step 2: Let it dry.
Step 3. Cut out hearts
Step 4: have toddler glue pieces of red paper to another piece of paper.
Step 5: Glue large piece- covered with red pieces of paper- over the heart hole.

Staring at each other.
Or negotiating for someone to use the potty.
Or to put on pants.
Or to play something independently.
Or to pick on the dog not me.

Paint again.

Cut pieces of paper into shapes. This one was called "Papa."
yesterday we did "Mama" But mama was the shape of a fish.
What does that mean?

Celebrating early?
We took a painting project- because I hadn't slyly thrown it away during nap time- and cut it into squares. Wrote on the squares and sewed them together.
Clearly I was distracted it says, "Happy Birthday Papp." Who the hell is Papp? 

Cutting hearts. From the leftover red paper from making Valentines.  Junia told me what order to sew them onto the string.  Hang string in front window.

I read two novels over the weekend.  I should have read much slower.  Because this week my reading has been too much of this.  I am pretty sick of all of our books.

We've been adding stains to the couch. One after another.  This is some of the chocolate that was coming out of her mouth during the snow meltdown.  She spit it onto the couch when she didn't like it.

Yeah- and all of this was like 2 hours.  That's the problem.

How to irritate me...lessons learned from a two year old

I seriously melted down this morning when Sean left for work.  Today is a snow day.  My work is closed. Junia's daycare is closed. But Sean's work never closes.  Ever.  Seriously like 7 people in Seattle go to work when it snows and they all work for the local news.

With how much Junia has been sick in the past couple of weeks and Sean's insane work schedule  I am feeling pretty done with this parenting all day everyday from home thing.  I don't know why I find it so hard but I just don't know what to do with myself or rather, I don't know what to do with her.  I don't need freakin' craft ideas...I need the sanity of being with someone who is rational, fun, and can share.

So here is my list of things that are irritating about being with a toddler all day. Stuck in the house.  Not able to leave. Or go outside.

-the constant cycle of clean up- destroy- clean up- destroy
-Setting up a project like painting.  15 minutes to set up. 5 minutes of fun. 15 minutes of clean up.
-"Yay thanks for doing X" one minute- next minute , "I don't like this."
-Negotiating.  Its like dealing with Iran around here.  -irrational, explosive, foolish...
-Can a nap EVER be long enough that the sound of waking up doesn't make me disappointed?
-Sure lets go outside and play in the snow.  25 minutes to get ready. Go outside. 3 minutes until tears. Return to the house- toddler saying, "I want Papa." Mama saying, "Believe me, I do too."
-Must you stand on the edge of a couch while the metal toolbox is below you and take of your pants?
-I'll play when I am done doing X means I will play when I am done doing X.  So leave me alone until then.
-

All in all we are making it through these snow days,  but my romantic image of snow days is quickly dissolving into slush.

I am a racist

Does anyone actually think they are a racist?




Except I am willing to admit by fact of my upbringing, my own color, and the society that I live in that I am a racist.

I didn't actually grow up with people of color around me.  Except for one family here and there.  There was nothing normal about diversity.  There were no racist slurs in my family. There was no discussion of diversity at all.   So I picked up everything that society showed me.

I feared east St. Louis...because everyone who lived there must be violent and carry a gun.  And never once heard a discussion of systematic oppression, poverty, lack of opportunity.

I only knew that black people could be middle class because of the one or two families in town and the Cosby show.

I had no models of people of color being in positions of power.

Jesus, God, Mary, all of 'em they were all white.  Just like me.  In my initial imagination they still are.

When I encounter a group of young black men on the street...I confess be being guarded and cautious.  I would be with white young men too.  But, it is different.  Undoubtedly different.  I constantly am talking myself out of my preconceived notions.

I have privileges afforded to me that without recognizing the advantages I innately posses.


I could go on. I really could.
But I think on MLK day it is important for me to recognize that I contribute to my own societies problems. And while, I actively talk about color read about race issues (discussions lead by people of color) and am inspired by the work of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  I am reminded by him that I too am a contributor of my societies problems.

And while I am not Newt Gingrich in my racism.  Nor am I any worse than most of my white brothers and sisters I think its important for white people to name this about ourselves.

And that part of the work of Christians is to own this.  And to work against it.

First snowtime fun

It snowed in Seattle today as it is not something that happens every winter today was probably Junia's first experience of playing in snow.  Last year during our 1 snowstorm we went to "play" in the snow and Junia took off her mitten discovered that the white stuff was cold and screamed the whole way back.

I think she found it hard to walk in the snow.  She kept saying, "I getting tired."

If you

Sledding was a bit iffy.  Fun but a tad out of control.   The other kids on the hill I think helped to convince her that she should be having fun.

And, it would be a shame if I didn't include a photo of our snow loving dog.  She chases sledders, snowballs, and whatever else is moving!


So now in year two snow is way more fun especially when it is 32 degrees and not very treacherous.