Notes from a

I have got to stop doing this?

"What?" you ask.

Starting blog posts and not finishing them.  Or trying to hard to capture all of my life in a snippet of a blog post.

So rather than writing a post about Thomas or about the girls I shall write about me today.

I am ok.
But I am not neutral.

On one hand I am doing awesome! I am rocking out this stay at home parent business. I am loving up Thomas and working with Miriam's stubbornness and entering into Junia's imagination and doing it.

On the other hand I am crap. I am sick of wearing Thomas. Miriam has got to get herself potty trained. I am sick and tired of cleaning up poop and it makes me mad, and Junia is great but man that girl knows how to pick a fight.

About work?

On one hand I am doing awesome.  I have not totally disappeared from the office. I have utilized my colleagues generosity well but I don't think I've asked too much and I have not altogether abandoned students that I made a commitment to in the fall.

On the other hand, I have no idea what's going on. Most of the emails I send are typed one handed.  The list of things I have to do cannot be accomplished in the very short days that I am making it in.

About other stuff?

We have someone who will probably be a childcare provider for the girls.  But that is not a sure thing because we want to make sure it is REALLY a good fit (after what happened last fall it feels like that is best for everyone).  I also don't want to leave them with anyone because it makes me sad.  My work days are long and days for babies are short so I am also dreading leaving Thomas with ANYONE, except Sean that is.

The house is a mess a lot of the time.  It drives me bonkers.  I know it doesn't matter but it grates on me.  My theory on the mess is better than my practical ability to deal with mess.  On the other hand, the girls are very very good at cleaning their room and playroom when it is time to do that.   I am grateful for this new development.

The garden looks bad.  Seriously our fence makes it look shabby and the cardboard that will keep the weeds down looks like a recycling bin exploded on everything.  Except that garlic is growing and peas and spinach are coming up and there is hope that we will actually eat some of the fruits of the garden this year.  The garden is giving me a serious dose of hope.


I facilitated a retreat 2 weekends ago. It was lovely.   I have a lot of thoughts from it.   Sean and I are praying together for lent using a book called Awkward Season.  Really enjoying the rhythm of it.

I also had this revelation yesterday that seems mundane BUT my self critic has got to ease up. I have only one life, one body, one personality and there is a reasonable amount of criticism that can lead to growth but I cannot change some things about myself. I want to spend my life accepting who I am not attacking who I am.  SOmething in this is seeming so so right, so obvious and so sacred.

So that's it.
Me. WHat is up with me.


  1. "I want to spend my life accepting who I am ...."

    You are always so insightful.

  2. I have enjoyed seeing your growth through these years of following your blog. You really do have so much insight into yourself as well as others. I kind of pick a mantra for the year (another way to say resolution). The one I had last year helped me with self acceptance. "Don't believe half the things you tell yourself" Kinda cool - it's just a little tricky figuring out which half!!

  3. Thank you Kathy and Thank you Patti! My insight is sometimes a gift- but mostly imparted to me by profound mentors and a community of people who listen ...both of you have at times been those ears for me.


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