Seeking. Opting out of capitalism and into meaning making

To be a seeker is a risky endeavor.  To say, in this world, "I am curious about spirituality" or "I am open to God..." or "I will keep asking and asking and asking..." or "I will be on an inner journey and let that guide the outer journey."

It is risky because it asks and what it gives, as far as I can tell, is slow (God paced I would say).
As I  say yes to this seeking, I opt out of commodified meaning making.  I mean, lets face it, I would love to have a fancy ass 100% beeswax candle and some ergonomic chair and the perfect bell for my prayer. But the candle I light was 99 cents at goodwill and I mostly use it because it was the only one in this room. The chair I sit in is quite cozy but has only been ressurected in this house because of Mr. Clean Magic eraser.  I did buy myself a $2 pen for my journaling.

Something about this seeking, is about going after meaning making that you cannot sell. You cannot market or mass produce this seeking without losing it's soul.  This kind of seeking is full of kind honesty and rough (not physically) love. 

My instinct is that this seeking is where deep social justice and change gets its roots.

I am in this journey right now, and one of the most striking things is how utterly useless it is.  I sit in quiet for hours each week. I listen to the hum of my body, I try to let my thoughts float by, or  I forgive myself when I get stuck in them.  But at the end of it, I have done nothing. Literally, I have done nothing.  Because seeking (for me God) is not something you can sell.  It is not something you make or market.  It just is.

That seems awfully profound to me.
In our capitalism that is quite a prophetic story.