Fertility Privilege.

Let me just say I have so much privilege.

I mean I have it all over the place. I am white. I am american. I am from a 2 parent family. I speak english as my first language. I am educated. I am Christian. The list goes on and on.

I also have crazy privilege because I have children that were conceived with ease, by a partner whose anatomy (and emotional support and general awesomeness) made it easy to have those babies.

Today I am thinking about fertility privilege. How fortunate I am to not have to wrestle with a deep longing for parenthood.

How fortunate we are to not spend hours upon hours searching for sperm donors, banks and all the ins and outs of that realm.
How fortunate I am to not have longed for and longed for and longed for a child that I didn't know if I would have?
How fortunate I am to not have spent time learning the ins and outs of hormone therapy or the "I am ovulating make things happen now!" day.
How fortunate I am to have not had miscarriage after miscarriage.

I would not say that our journey into parenthood has been easy. Parenthood is a slog through many things.  It is rich with abundance of hardship and abundance of ease.  But the journey of fertility has been easy for Sean and I (and to be honest so has the journey of controlling that).

As with many privileges, especially the ones that are biological, I have a hard time remembering their are other narratives of fertility.

There are people all around who long for the easy of baby making.
There are people all around me who would kill for a partner to have a baby with.
There are people all around me who have tried many things and cannot conceive.
There are people all around whose babies did not make it to full term.

So with my privilege how should I operate in the world? I am not sure.  But here are my initial thoughts:

*at social gatherings I will talk about things other than my children. There are in fact many things I am interested in, and fundamentally I want to be curious about all kinds of people.  I will try to keep this central to my social interactions.
*I will NOT offer platitudes when people share their fertility struggles.   I will never say, "you should do this... or this.. or it will happen..."
*I will try to put my own processing in check.
*I will try to possess of a spirit of gratitude.  Even when I am venting about parenthood or kids or whatever may I still use a gracious spirit.
*On my best days I will attempt to be an advocate.


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