3rd week of Advent.

That's it. I am now on Christmas Holiday.  Okay okay well not totally. I have to go in to work 3 more times for a couple of hours each time.  But for the most part I am on break.  Which means today I am with the kiddos.

Some of my days with the kids are lovely feats of accomplishment: Cookies made, dinner planned and executed, kitchen cleaned 4 or 5 times (because cleaning it once doesn't work).  Other days with the kids are a bit more about togetherness: Craft projects, reading library books, taking the dog and ourselves for a stroll. (I can't seem to do both of these kids of day on the same day;  I also can't seem to do parts of one or the other). Today, however I am not really doing either of those days. Today is lacking resiliency.  Today I feel like a mess.

I haven't lost it on the kids, but I feel like I could.
I don't feel sick, but I could get there.
I have no energy to clean up lunch or breakfast but I would really like to eat some sugar laden treat.
Something about today feels altogether slumpy.

This week so far has been full of lousy news.  A sick relative. A sick friend. Another sick friend. Another sick friend.  Another sick relative.  A friend lost her beloved friend (a pet) who was later found but it was a bit of an emotional storm to have been with her in that space (despite this now being the funniest story of the year it still feels weighty- the awfulness that almost was).

In all of this I can't find my own writing voice.  It feels trite to blog about Christmas.  But it also feels like the most meaningful thing in the world- to blog about a holiday I take tremendous meaning and hope from- but requires a ton of theological unpacking.  I could blog bout Advent, but like so many Advents before their is a quietness in this season that doesn't have words.

I have some silly things to share- about how Thomas loves to chew on everything- I could probably do a series of "Things we fish out of Thomas's Mouth." or a series "Things Miriam is curled up in a ball and mad about." or a series on "Funny things these kids say" but even those things are not where my spirit is right now.

I am in the rain. I am so tired of being wet. It is no wonder that the myth of Noah was important to people.  I could totally phsyche myself out that the world is about to be flooded...

And I am also in space of overflowing graditude where every time my fingertips touch my kids part of me sings out, knowing the random fortune that I am healthy, that we are healthy.

So that's it. No perfect summary no closing words.


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