West Coast-him vs. East Coast-me on communication

So S has been in Seattle, Tacoma and San Francisco for the week. I have been in Washington, D.C. Somehow this communicates for me how much of a better person he makes me.

Allow me to express that I am a better minister when I begin and end my days with him. Allow me to share that I am more able to be present to students, more able to chill out, more able to play, more able to laugh, more able to be real, more able present to others. I find security knowing that S, at the end of each days is there to listen to me in a knowing and loving way. He is their to hold me, laugh with me, play with me, even just eat with me. I trust that I do the same for him.
When I am with S I am more able to love well and I believe myself to be more loveable.

He's in these places interviewing for positions for next year. What that means is that he is also scoping out places that we might live. On some level these interviews have the power to determine where we might buy a house, what hospitals we might have babies in, what kind of food we'll eat, what part of the ocean we'll enjoy. Here I work and do service in DC with 6 great students but working for a job I likely won't be at next year. Their is a disconnect because this means I am unable to fully be present with them knowing that so much of my future is wrapped up elsewhere.

I wish I were with S. Not because I need to control this experience. Rather, I long to share with him all that is going on. To share the cities, share his experiences of these interviews. Sadly I am unable to really grasp all that he is feeling. Perhaps if I were in the apartment I would get more. But being in DC, working all week, I am able to share only partially my experience and able to only partially give to him through listening. That's where it hurts. Essentially, it's not the distance its that the disstance and our separate realities for the week are so distancing.

Another reminder of why our Yes. I a yes of togetherness. A yes that somehow we bring forward our best selves.


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