Living in the grey

Today I got into a conversation with a collegue about Sean and I and how both of us have embraced the grey. He didn't get it. In fact, I ended the conversation with, "does that make sense" he openly shared, "no."

Sacraments do not happen in an instant. They sybmolize what is already happening. For example, in baptism God does not instantly begin to offer love to children, nor in baptism does God decide to offer salvation. Rather, baptism symbolizes what has always been offered. God does not require formulas for love and relationship with Godself.

So when Sean and I talk about our engagement, talk about our marriage we don't believe that October 11 suddenly makes us married. Rather, being in a relationship committed to being married makes us married before us and God. That's why we have made some decisions. . .we live together because their is no line between married and unmarried. And even though we see ourselves somewhere in the grey we look forward to percieving ourselves as married, because surely our self perception, personally and as a couple, will continue to develop. There is a line between perceived as married by society, family, and friends and not. So why bother with the ritual? Ahh, this question comes from not understanding the power and importance of ritual, of celebration, and of making commitment publically and not privately. In short then, Sean and I both value ritual, celebration, and public commitment.


  1. I remember reading a book called "The Historian" (it really has nothing to do with weddings, it's about vampires)but there is one point where the main character says that he wed the heroine in his heart right there and not in a small church months later.

    I really felt that way at one point with my guy. Something so personal I don't like to go into details, but I agree with that feeling of being already married long before doing the ceremony.

  2. Right on, Rachel. Patrick and I felt the same way about our wedding day and suddenly being "married". We definitely felt our commitment was there before the wedding day and our feelings and values were already there. However, I have to say that since our wedding day, I've definitely felt an ease and a security and a peace I didn't have before. Very interesting...this marriage thing. Can't wait to see you guys. ~Kate


Post a Comment

Popular Posts