Fears fallen off a shelf
I choose this picture because everything on the shelf seems kind of precarious. . .
It seems like I have spent the last couple of weeks putting my fears on a shelf. Fears about labor -shelved. Fears about paying for daycare- shelved. Fears about finances- shelved. Fears about hating my child- shelved. Fears about doing something to mess it up-shelved. Fears about our marriage-shelved. Fears about employment- shelved. Fears about being too isolated- shelved.
This list could go on and on. But by shelving some of these thing and mandating some perspective (because none of these fears have urgency)I have been able to take them down one by one hold the fear, dwell on it and maybe relax into it- rather than holding them all at once.
Last night though we had dinner at a friends house. They are significantly older than Sean and I. They also already have a kid. As I off the shelves a couple of these fears and shared them I didn't find solidarity or mutual vulnerability in sharing. Rather I just ended up being talked at. Frankly, being talked at rather than listened to isn't soothing for me. Even if people offer me sound advice- I hate advice. Advice for me has to come in the form of shared stories. . . It wasn't.
I left more scared, shook up, and with more things fallen of their shelves than I have been for a couple weeks. So much for that.