My amazing people.

There are days when  I don't feel like I have much wisdom to offer the world, or to even offer myself.

On days when I am with the girls I move in and out of meaningful pondering but spend most of my time thinking about lunch or snack, weeds growing in the garden, or the possibility of reading one of many books on our shelves.

I spend emotional energy cuddling with with sweet smelling little girls (one whose head smells a bit nutty and the others head smells like early spring).   Or I spend the day managing defiance, screaming, and the general angst of having little kids around.

But what gives me life for my family these days is how much I like my children.  How much I like my partner.  These kids of ours are not perfect. Our relationship is not perfect.  Some days I feel like Junia gets more of an attitude and I get more enraged.  Some days I am snarky and mean to Sean and I cannot get myself out of it.  Beyond that are these amazing people in my family who somehow know that my snarkiness is about me.  There are these little girls who say, "Mama you are grumpy today," and rattle me out of my selfish narrative.  There is this amazing partner of mine who at my worst says, "you can't treat me like that," and at best says, "I know you aren't being deep."

And on the days i am not snarky are times of laughter.  A two year old who loves to be snuggled and sung to.  There is a 4 year old who will play anything with you, or me, or leaves, or toys or whatever.  There is a partner who always, always, always is willing to hold me. Even when I don't realize that I could use a hug.

I love these people. I love them a lot.  Beyond that though is how much I like them.  My family is good people.  Deeply, amazingly, profoundly good.


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