My brain...wait what was I saying?
This week I was multi-tasking. Talking on the phone and trying to check my email. As I logged on I was told that my password had been hacked or something like that and I should change it. So of course, promptly changed my password. And because I was also having a conversation with someone else, I immediately forgot it.
And by immediately I mean...I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I had changed it to. I had not even a glimmer, a shadow, a sense, an inclination or any idea of what the password was. Wow. Wow. I felt so dumb.
Then I am sure that I hung up from my phone call and proceeded to do some work with my email open, facebook open, and my desk a messy place. So no wonder I cannot concentrate.
This has been true for me in many places lately lately. I am feeling my own inability to remember the details of conversations, even ones I really liked or that I was leading. I have had planning meetings with people and then I cannot remember what we were planning on doing. Though I am sure that we reached a conclusion... I am having a harder time remembering what I wanted to get at the grocery store. The fact is I doubt I have a brain tumor or really early onset Alzheimers I probably have iamconnectedtotechnologyandslightlysleepdeprivedandnot20anymore ites.
So I am trying to just notice my distractions more. Trying to notice them and bring them back. Trying to focus on 2 things instead of 5. For example, this morning I change Miriam's diaper and I get up to throw it away and put her pj's in the laundry. On my way I almost stopped 4 times to grab more laundry or put away the wipes, or move the x from here to there. But that is how we end up with dirty diapers and laundry on the kitchen counter or a diaper that ends up in the laundry. . .
I am also trying to just focus. Last night I woke up and around 2 and felt my mind running all over the place. I was jumping from here to there to . . .uh what was I typing...yes like that. And I just tryed to imagine all the things I was thinking as a line of words. Right in the middle of me...and tried to let my jumpiness come into a center...
Additionally, I am trying to use technology well. Keep only 1 or 2 things open on my work computer at a time. Turn off notifications on my phone so that it doesn't buzz every time someone likes some random thing on facebook or whatever...
And finally, I am trying to just let myself be 32. That's not old (and I don't pretend to lament it) but this is the age where my body starts to hint towards age as much as it hints towards youth. So I want to listen to the ways I can accept with curiousity and wonder some of the ways that I will be changed in time.