Me want home.

Tonight Thomas said, "me want home." "me want home."
I nearly burst into tears.  Me too Thomas.

I want a home. A home of our future and a future to come sooner.
And I also want the sadness of leaving a home to abate.  I don't think I want to go to the home of a few days ago but I kind of do. At least I know what that home entails.

Also, here in this liminal space, I don't know what to do.  Part of that is that here, in the home of my parents-in-law I never know what to do. I don't know what space to put my body in. I don't know my role. I literally don't know where things are. I don't even know how to interact with my children in a comfortable way.  Whatever issues come up in me, they are complex.

I also don't know who I am right now. I am a laid off employee. A stay at home parent without a home. A kind and loving partner who is grumpy all the time. A prophetic visionary of the simple life who spends all her time playing SIM city on the phone??

So there it is.