I did something...but not good this time.

Shit.
Shit.



Shit.

This was a bad day folks.

There are always a series of things that make a bad day: food choices, bad luck, failed attempts at having a good day, cell phones, lack of centered-ness.

The keys for me are being tired.  I am a person that needs my sleep.
And today it was homesickness.

The weather is in the 40's, foggy, cloudy, and humid.
It is Seattle weather.
I am loving it.

Loving it.

But, it makes me miss, so so bad, Vashon.
I want to take in the smell of the woods!
I want to look out my window and not see your suburban house (that is just like my suburban house).
The kids are homesick. Sean is homesick. I am homesick.
And...I have no friends (here).

Uggg.

Then I lost it on one of my kids today.
The kind of nonsensical yelling that just makes you feel like an ass hole.
The kind of hysteria that stems from a whole stream of feelings but gets settled in on a kid doing assholey kid kind of things (like urinating in mulitple spots in a room and destroying your sisters things).

I am good at the apology and catching myself while it is happening.
I am good at not abusing our kids, but I still feel like an ass.

Parenting is hard.
So so hard.

I can already feel it that Sean is going to come home and I'm going to be defensive and he won't even know why...

Good luck evening.