Rachel in the Age of Corona Virus
On one hand I know that there are some things that I should do, but don't.
It is easier for me (and many of us) to scroll, scroll, scroll.
Today, I heard the Indigo Girls song "Closer to Fine" and a line,
"Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, and lightness has a call that's hard to hear"
I wrap my fears around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety 'til I sank it."
Oh how easy it is to feed the beast that is the darkness, that is fear, that is greed, that is anxiety.
To fill it with news, to fill it with lists of wants, to fill it with all of the unknowns.
And lightness, oh lightness how hard you are to listen to.
And too, it is so much easier to wrap our fears around.
I don't know which one I am doing more of.
I have had moments of deep groundedness.
I have had moments of overwhelming fear.
I have also had moments of awe.
So one of my coping mechanisms- or self care techniques- has been to listen to Mary Oliver readings. Each of these readings she reads Wild Geese- a fucking gorgeous poem. One of the last lines is
| "the world offers itself to your imagination, |
| calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - |
| over and over announcing your place |
| in the family of things." I have been pondering the profound beauty of the birds that come to our feeder, and how much they DON'T care about covid-19. How in a few week we will have fresh strawberries from the garden, because the strawberries do not have covid-19. I am even in awe of the virus itself. It's drive for spreading and going and expanding...it is beyond us. What is our place in the family of things? We have so often imagined ourselves as the hierarchy of the family of things. But we are not. We are in a circle, a relationship...we are PART of the family of things. This world is full of beauty and wonder and awe- and also heartache and loss and fear. That is part of being in the family of things. Maybe it's weird that consoles me- but it does. |
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