Where have I been?

I've been down.
Things at work have been very difficult.
Things in our home and with our landlord have been very difficult.

I'm also preaching on Good Friday.
I'm dreading preaching on Good Friday.

It is so much easier to preach about suffering when you aren't in the middle of your own.
If I could be comfortable in my own "theological perspective on suffering." Then it would be so much better.

Except, that is the point.
I will be preaching, even if I don't say it, from my own place of feeling hated and also wanting to rid myself of an uncomfortable relationship.

I am feeling unsafe.
Fearful of being alone in my home.
Challenged to claim my own dignity.

In regards to  Good Friday, I am wondering if Mary was treated badly because of Jesus.
I am thinking about how if we really enter into the challenge of Jesus than we are all living in the pivitol place of picking up a cross or screaming, "crucify him, crucify him."  And at different points in our life we say different things to the challenge of the cross.

In a place of suffering and vulnerability my ideas are starting to form.