Parenting is still conversion.

It has been the reason I've been quiet here for all of autumn.
Our childcare has been at best unsettled and at worst hard.
I have been worried.
I have been concerned.
I have been trying to figure out my own invitation to grow,
and my own needs from which I could make requests.

It has been done imperfectly, as most human relationships are.
But we have been respectful, and not hurt anyone.
And more than anything I believe we are having a difference of personality.

So now we sit in a strange limbo where childcare for the next couple of months is up in the air.
Where we are patching together some really amazing resources, sorting out hard conversations and in the way Sean and I do it are being drawn together.

It is so so so hard.
When childcare is not settled it is hard.
And that is where we are.
I feel the anxiety all over my skin.
It's like shingles but instead of pain it is fear.
Trying to keep it at bay is mostly about distracting myself.

Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.