The Slow Movement of Things
To say I am depressed is inaccurate. I am not depressed, but I am very very sad about being laid off. I sometimes see what is happening at my old place of employment and think, "They laid me of? Me? I could do that better..." or I think about students I connected with and dreams I had...
Of course I had also thought a lot about resigning and offering myself (or my salary) along with the budget cuts, and because of that I am able to remember that part of me was VERY done working there. I remember that many of the decisions my supervisor made I disagreed with. Because of that, it wasn't going to be a great place for me for a long time. . . Anyway, I today was a day that I got caught in the hole of being depressed about being laid off.
I don't know how or where to place my gifts.
I like being at home with the kiddos and I don't quite know what to do with myself.
I have a list of thing I could do each day but I don't want to...Seriously I don't want to wash the kitchen floor even if I don't have a job.
I get excited by a lot of the opportunities and space that not working provides but nothing has tangible boundaries or form yet.
I have some healthy and unhealthy ego wrapped up in all of this.
I miss theology and ministry and conversations around those topics.
I miss it hard.
I also don't know what is next for me which is kind of an opportunity to think about what is next, but it is also an anxious place to be. Sean's wise assurance today to me is that this is a time in my life where it might look like things are dead and dark around me- but it is winter. The roots and growing and things are getting ready...in the slow movement of life things will emerge.
Of course I had also thought a lot about resigning and offering myself (or my salary) along with the budget cuts, and because of that I am able to remember that part of me was VERY done working there. I remember that many of the decisions my supervisor made I disagreed with. Because of that, it wasn't going to be a great place for me for a long time. . . Anyway, I today was a day that I got caught in the hole of being depressed about being laid off.
I don't know how or where to place my gifts.
I like being at home with the kiddos and I don't quite know what to do with myself.
I have a list of thing I could do each day but I don't want to...Seriously I don't want to wash the kitchen floor even if I don't have a job.
I get excited by a lot of the opportunities and space that not working provides but nothing has tangible boundaries or form yet.
I have some healthy and unhealthy ego wrapped up in all of this.
I miss theology and ministry and conversations around those topics.
I miss it hard.
I also don't know what is next for me which is kind of an opportunity to think about what is next, but it is also an anxious place to be. Sean's wise assurance today to me is that this is a time in my life where it might look like things are dead and dark around me- but it is winter. The roots and growing and things are getting ready...in the slow movement of life things will emerge.
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