My kids are assholes.

Yesterday I put together such a lovely reflection about parenthood, partnership and ministry.  Today I feel like my kids are assholes. I know I know that word is charged and a trigger--but if you don't like me saying that then please just don't read this.  And furthermore, this is a satire so again if you can't hack it then just stop.

Because today my kids are being assholes.
I am tired. Dog tired this week. I have a cold and instead of really being sick I feel like I am in a fog: A horrible exhausted fog.  Seriously the assholes won't let me sleep.  They are so needy, " change my diaper, feed me, clean off my body."  Who do they think I am?

I've got shit to do today too.
We've got recycling to transfer.
I've got atm's to go to.
And laundry to fold.
Could you assholes stop tagging along and making everything harder.
This isn't even co-dependence- it's just dependence you assholes!

We go to the grocery store to get some things and asshole number two spends the whole time whining. "Wah Wah wah!" I finally shove a piece of baguette in her face and she settles down.  I am thinking, "Come on you asshole are you hungry? Because you had a chance to eat breakfast and barely touched it so don't treat me like shit just because you are hungry?  Dragging you around a giant room full of food I won't let you eat isn't torture---it's a life lesson. Never come to the grocery store hungry."

Ordering me around "Sing bus, Sing bus."
 I am thirsty, "tea, tea, tea
"Help me up the stairs,  "annoying whine, annoying whine."

Come on you assholes.
Just grow up.
Parent isn't a verb, So please just let me sit on my ass (hole).


-If you don't notice this is a satire.  It's obvious that I am the asshole here. Not my little people. -