The long-view- excerpts from when Junia was a newborn.

So right after Junia was born I started a new journal.  So from August 2009 until January 2010 I had this 1 yellow journal and it totally disappeared from my life and I had to get a new one. By totally disappeared I mean that I could not find it anywhere!

Then 2 years later as we reorganized our bedroom to prepare to bring home baby Miriam I found it behind a dresser! Booyah. All my journal entries with newborn Junia were there.  At the time I found it though I had just started ANOTHER journal and wasn't going to confuse the pages by not finishing one and starting is time for another journal and I am going to use the lovely yellow journal from Junia's infancy.

So listen to these excerpts:

"She is asleep in her swing- I try to jump in the shower- by the time I'm done- she's awake and screaming. She's riled.  I'm only in a towel- and I pick her up and start to sooth her but imp dripping on her and my legs are wet, my hair is wet, my body is dripping on her.

So  I put her screaming- on the bed so I can dry my hair with towel- enough not to drip on her. I am so frustrated by her screams.  I don't know what to do. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe."

"Tomorrow is my 2nd day with Junia alone and I am terrified....are we sunk forever?" -Sept 14, 2009

"5 weeks into parenthood- love is slow or at least the completely enamored- totally devoted unequivocally present love isn't here." September 28, 2009

So now I will start to fill these pages that follow this place in my life.  I am unequivocally in love with Junia (and Miriam). I am not longer terrified by an unsoothable baby.  We were not sunk forever...we were in a very bad storm.

It's the longview that makes parenting your first newborn so very difficult.  All you can see is your life dripping away from you all over this new baby.  You cannot yet see the person that the baby will become, the successes that you will have.  The new seas you will discover...


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