1 year ago.

I was on a facebook thread conversation the other day about third children.  One person wrote, "I cannot have a 4th child. It would kill me." She did not mean it literally, but I know exactly what she means.  (I haven't decided whether or not to blog about our discernment to yes/no have a 4th child and what goes into that for us)

Because holidays are often times where we remember from year to year what happened the previous year and what our traditions were full of, I have been keenly remembering my physical state 1 year ago.   Unlike my first two pregnancies I have such a clear sense of the last weeks of awaiting Tdog was born January 24 (2015) and so I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable! This year I have spent the holiday season remembering how miserable I was a year ago and taking deep breaths of gratitude that I am not there this year.

Last year I recall driving back from thanksgiving and at the end of it being a swollen mess. I remember wanting to prick my legs thinking they would just deflate from all the pressure.  I remember not being able to sit on the floor during present unwrapping being sort of unable to move very well... I remember sleeping in a hotel, or rather, being awake in a hotel bed all night with an achy back and a painful tooth. . . Oh yeah last year in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy I got a infected tooth- which they couldn't fix because I was too pregnant and I couldn't take Ibuprofen...it was so so bad.  I remember setting up the chapel at work with Christmas decor and not being able to bend over properly...I remember spending 1 week in January almost going into labor only to...not go into labor.

So here we are newly in 2016 with a growing family and an almost 1 year old.   NOT being pregnant. Blessed be.  We have been so blessed (privileged) with fertility, but there comes a time to be grateful for what we have not for what we are awaiting.

Happy New Year.


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