From here. . .

I am afraid I've been too self absorbed lately, (Or forever) But really I think that one of my gifts is introspection but what comes with that is thinking about myself all the time. I started this blog to write about getting married- believing that I had some wisdom to offer on the matter. Now, I am writing about being pregnant perhaps with the belief that sharing is better than withholding.

But I wonder (and I have been quietly wondering to myself for a couple months). . . what good am I doing for the world. I don't mean that in a self-hatred I am useless kind of way, but just in a way that maybe I should find a way to spend some energy (I don't know where it'll come from) serving those in need who are Not upper middle class white kids (though they have needs too). My compassion for the poor, for the homeless, for refugees, for the millions and millions of suffering people surely can only go so far as I challenge my hands to do. . . I want to or need to act more out of social justice. Sure, I do some of the work I do at the school I work at because of social justice but I feel like I need more.

When I look at some of the things I've done that I am really proud of working in a women's prison, working with the Sisters of Providence, going to Star Island, moving to New England even, I did despite being very vulnerable. But now that I am in a fairly healthy spot, in a supportive relationships etc. I am doing less of the edgy and interesting stuff that I was doing before.

I made a connection with the Juvenile Detention ministry last fall. Then like a week later I found out I was pregnant and started sleeping all the time. So I have all the paperwork to fill out to become a volunteer minister there. But why haven't I filled it out? In part, I am afraid of committing the time. In part, I hate paperwork. In part, I've been exhausted and elsewhere. In part, I am scared. But I want to challenge myself that in this time of relative emotional health and secure relationships that I need to get out of myself. I have an opportunity to support my community right before me.

So reader- by Friday afternoon I should have all my paperwork filled out. OK?