The High Stress of Childcare
Sean and I are lucky when it comes to childcare. We really only need someone for 2 days a week. And, until recently, we had found ourselves a nanny in the neighborhood at a reasonable rate. Last week she bailed on us- her reasons are both frustrating and understanding. As a mother of a young child as well she's figuring things out and figured out that 2 -10 hour days was too much for her.
So now we are back at trying to figure this out. We are trying to sort through our needs, comfort level, and budget with reality, a time frame and the emotional weight of leaving your child in someone elses care.
I would love to stay home with Junia. In fact, I would like to do it more than I anticipated. Being on maternity leave was good for me. I found myself entering into Junia's way of being and also found myself tapping into my creative energy. I was being intensely creative and at the same time I was entering into Junia's way of being and giving her permission to be a baby (thus be irratic!). But where we are right now that just isn't a possibility, I'll try to be grateful that working in education I get periodic weeks off, summers off, and holidays off.
Yesterday we interviewed several new nannies. We are going in on a nanny-share with another couple. We interviewed a competent amazingly qualified woman and a incompetent less than qualified woman. It was striking! But even while knowing we have someone who is more than qualified I grieve leaving her with another person; I mourn that my moments with Junia will be brief rather than so abundant I am trying to think of what to do. But perhaps there will be an upcoming post about what a working mother offers as a role model...
So now we are back at trying to figure this out. We are trying to sort through our needs, comfort level, and budget with reality, a time frame and the emotional weight of leaving your child in someone elses care.
I would love to stay home with Junia. In fact, I would like to do it more than I anticipated. Being on maternity leave was good for me. I found myself entering into Junia's way of being and also found myself tapping into my creative energy. I was being intensely creative and at the same time I was entering into Junia's way of being and giving her permission to be a baby (thus be irratic!). But where we are right now that just isn't a possibility, I'll try to be grateful that working in education I get periodic weeks off, summers off, and holidays off.
Yesterday we interviewed several new nannies. We are going in on a nanny-share with another couple. We interviewed a competent amazingly qualified woman and a incompetent less than qualified woman. It was striking! But even while knowing we have someone who is more than qualified I grieve leaving her with another person; I mourn that my moments with Junia will be brief rather than so abundant I am trying to think of what to do. But perhaps there will be an upcoming post about what a working mother offers as a role model...
I completely understand. As tough as it's been with Tristan, the idea of leaving him with someone else for more than a couple of hours a week has been hard. We're hiring a college student to come be his 'manny' while I work (at home or in my office on campus--I'm thankful for flexibility in academia as well), but that way (hopefully) I can be nearby if anything comes up...but by January he should/will have outgrown the reflux (again, hopefully making me a less worried mama).
ReplyDeleteYep--it's hard. The job itself is hard, but leaving to work is even harder, even though I do it both for our finances and for my own intellectual stimulation/mental well being.