Expecting Ambivalence

I wonder who reads this blog. I don't think very many people. And most of the people who do probably already know what I am going to write about- others might be surprised but here goes.

Sean and I are pregnant. Well my body is pregnant- but we too are pregnant.

We didn't really plan this. In fact, we explicitly weren't planning it; but so much of life is what comes at us and how we respond. I have to admit at first (and still at moments) I was really upset. Overwhelmed by finances, career implications, even the idea of being fat and pregnant (fat women don't get that cute pregnant belly in the same way) I just didn't know how to hold all of it. And then on top of the fact the pictures in all the pregnancy books made it really obvious that my "baby" looked a heck of a lot more like a chicken embryo at early stages than an adorable baby. So on top of it all the beast that was going to mess everything up was ugly.

Yesterday, Sean and I had our first ultrasound. Our little person (now a 9 weeks along) doesn't have a tail (anymore), has a perfect heartbeat, normal body (for 9.1 weeks) and pretty adorable little flippers.

So here I am about ready to venture into the world of blogging about being pregnant. Sorry if this is the forum you learned the news- no hard feelings- I just need to write about it.