Me being We.

Yesterday, Sean and I had a midwife appointment. At the practice we go to their are 3 midwives any of whom could be around for the labor (at least two will be around for the delivery).

Sean and I have been reading a lot about midwifery, parenthood, pregnancy, and femenism. We are really thinking about our new and future reality more and more. I was expressing that I have really felt a lot of grief around having a baby and that I am looking forward to meeting "faith" if only so that I can love her so I'll stop feeling so bad about my diminished freedom, my strange embodiment, the loss of newlywed status etc. etc. And she said the most liberating thing: "Rachel," she said, "the thing is you will still be you. You will be you differently and some things will change but you will still be there." My tears pretty much started flowing immediately. Why? Because losing myself is the fear. So to be told that I will still a person who wants to write, who cares passionately about God and theology and the intersection of these things in people's lives, who desires creative expression, who craves justice- and on and on will not go away.

What sweet relief.