The Challenge not to Wallow

Every so often I find myself I a situation where women are talking smack about how fat I am. It is a fact. That some women discuss how disgusting my body is in kind of subtle ways. But lets all be honest, when people are talking about you you know! You definitely know.

It’s really awesome. (yes sarcastic)

The first world (what is the PC term for first world?) is full of women who won’t put on bathing suits. I think they are mostly afraid of the women who sit on the side of pools who do put on bathing suits. These sideline 'beauties' are the women that I overheard and watched talk smack about me today. So helpful. So freakin' helpful.

Mind you, I didn’t speak to these women, interact with these women or even enter their physical space really. But there they were, righteous, building themselves up, and ever so thoroughly shallow.

That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

And there was I, leaving the pool feeling ostracized from exercise. Yes, the irony of it all is that when fat women exercise they get talked bad about (this is how curves came to be).

The deepest challenge in this for me is

to not let this judgement sink deep into my spirit.

To not let myself wallow in all the voices that have told me this all of my life.

To not dehumanize the others who talk smack or myself in either of this.

But sometimes when people who know nothing about you decide that you are unworthy it is hard to tell yourself another story.


  1. I got caught up in stupid academic things and fell behind on reading -- so I'm just now seeing this. I empathize entirely, friend, and I hate this situation so deeply. And I feel like if this had happened when we were in the pool while I was there, and had been directed at you, I would have felt absolutely no hesitation in calling out those idiots for their idiocy -- but every time it happens to me, I just end up getting sucked into self loathing.

    You help me not to wallow. I love you.


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