With the girls...
I am with the girls again today. So many days with them are so awesome! I love finding a routine, rhythm and getting into the groove. This week, being at home for several days,feels a bit like my summer routine. Except for those moments when it doesn't feel like that- and I cannot stand that I just picked up lunch and now it is snack time or that the pile of stuff that needs to go to the shed has now been redistributed all over the house- because I bothered to take a shower.
It's dangerous stuff this parenting.
I also find that I cling to the Internet on these days. My access to the outside world matters. On one hand it grounds me, keeps me feeling like a grown up, allows me to have thoughts about things. On the other hand it is distracting, draws me away from being present, and makes me start thinking in short clever quips.
Today has been rainy and Miriam got up early. It was painful. I just laid on the couch and let them watch TV for longer than I am proud of. But, for whatever reason I just could not rouse myself. At least not really until 9.
I am crazy hungry. It makes sense considering that I barely ate lunch. I have a very hard time eating when I am at home. I usually end up getting myself so hungry that then I just eat crappy food. Not my best, but it is real. I think it is especially bad when I don't do the grocery shopping (which is most of the time) and I am not going to complain about that.
My garden dreaming is big and alive but has practical constraints- like that we need to buy soil and pay for 2 months worth of preschool in April and buy a new car battery and all those things that get your mind spinning out in other directions.
On the other hand, Miriam and Junia are really such lovely people. They enjoy attention from us and don't go too crazy when we give it. They play well together much of the time and even when they are screaming at each other they recover way faster than Sean or I do when we fight! I am enjoying them a lot this week, and feel good to be home.
And beyond the kiddos I got to have dinner with a friend last night. We went to our old neighborhood and ate and shared delicious food! But even if the food had been shit it would have been wonderful. It was so so rich to sit with her and visit, check in, muse, connect, wander, and I think somewhere in it to dream for ourselves. . . our futures...our children...our careers....our ageing...all of it. I think we could have gone on for hours.
It's dangerous stuff this parenting.
I also find that I cling to the Internet on these days. My access to the outside world matters. On one hand it grounds me, keeps me feeling like a grown up, allows me to have thoughts about things. On the other hand it is distracting, draws me away from being present, and makes me start thinking in short clever quips.
Today has been rainy and Miriam got up early. It was painful. I just laid on the couch and let them watch TV for longer than I am proud of. But, for whatever reason I just could not rouse myself. At least not really until 9.
I am crazy hungry. It makes sense considering that I barely ate lunch. I have a very hard time eating when I am at home. I usually end up getting myself so hungry that then I just eat crappy food. Not my best, but it is real. I think it is especially bad when I don't do the grocery shopping (which is most of the time) and I am not going to complain about that.
My garden dreaming is big and alive but has practical constraints- like that we need to buy soil and pay for 2 months worth of preschool in April and buy a new car battery and all those things that get your mind spinning out in other directions.
On the other hand, Miriam and Junia are really such lovely people. They enjoy attention from us and don't go too crazy when we give it. They play well together much of the time and even when they are screaming at each other they recover way faster than Sean or I do when we fight! I am enjoying them a lot this week, and feel good to be home.
And beyond the kiddos I got to have dinner with a friend last night. We went to our old neighborhood and ate and shared delicious food! But even if the food had been shit it would have been wonderful. It was so so rich to sit with her and visit, check in, muse, connect, wander, and I think somewhere in it to dream for ourselves. . . our futures...our children...our careers....our ageing...all of it. I think we could have gone on for hours.
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