Nothing new...

I haven't blogged in a week or so because I cut off the end of my finger down to the nerve.   Typing is a chore.  On the other hand I have a trillion thoughts about posts but they are also complicated and wordy that typing is seriously out of the question.

Yesterday was a terrible day.  A LONG doctor's office visit with Miriam only to leave frantically because I was late to pick up Junia.   Seriously they weren't busy so shy did I have to wait for 30 minutes. There aren't that many people living on this island!  Then Miriam was super super fussy with no nap and Junia was being all her 3 years...in all the crappy dynamics that three year olds can have (I think she used the good ones at preschool).  I got them down for a nap early so that they could spend time with our friends who were coming over.  I picked up the house.  They woke up cheerful right around the expected time of our friends arrival.  But didn't stay cheerful long. Miriam was post vaccination fussy and Junia was antsy.  It was three hours later and not at home that we finally met up with them.

Sadly though, I took my frustration out on Junia.  Usually I can handle three year old-ness for awhile but I was done.  I was impatient. I was sick of negotiating.  It just sucked.

Oh and on top of it, I started menstruating again.  I am not prepared for this. I feel like I had a baby like 2 months ago.  And, personally, having a vaginal birth gives me way different perspectives on my vagina. One of which is, "now that you don't hurt anymore let me (and everyone else) ignore you for awhile."

Sean and I were in a funk last night too. My frustrations, no time for check in and then my impending anxiety about being a crappy parent for day 2 just all fed off of each other.

So wow. It just shows how just when I start to feel like I'm in a good place I've got to keep working on my own internal stuff.  Keep on reflecting and growing and changing and apologizing. Life can be a bear.