A pat on the back...Lets talk about sex with your kids

Because we are too good at remembering our failings as parents I am going to start posting, regularly, about things I/we do well. I would love for you to join me. If you blog please- "pat yourself on the back" or if you want I would love for you to post here. I would welcome your submissions!

My job, of late, has gotten pretty sex heavy.  I listen to young adults talk about sex a lot!  And of course, in the role I am in I also pray for and with them. But mostly, I listen.

Yesterday, a group of students were sharing that most of what they know about sex they learned online. And a lot of it, through porn. Not because they were looking for porn- but because when you are in 4th grade and curious and you don't know what to type into google what you get is porn. Yikes.

I don't know whether their parents ever spoke with them about sex but even if they did that is NOT where their education about sex was from. Furthermore, their education also had VERY little to offer.

So here, on this post about what I/we are doing well as parents would this have to do with a six month old and a three year old?  

We are teaching our daughters about their bodies.

Yesterday it hit me how important it is that kids know about sex way before their bodies start wanting to know about sex.  Now, we aren't having "sex talks" with our daughters about sex. But my little women are going to know their bodies. Because we would laugh if kids did not know fingers, toes, toenails, nose, eyes, eyelashes. In fact, we would laugh if a boy didn't know what his penis was. But, grown (sexually active) women don't know the names of their genitalia- something I don't wish for my daughters.

So as we learn parts of the body we will learn ALL parts of the body.  And, you know what, in our house right now it's not a big deal. Because we talk about all of them.  

We are talking about sex with one another in front of our daughters without using hushed voices.

So a few months back we were talking about sex in the car. The kids were in the car and we found ourselves whispering.  But why? If we whisper they learn that there is shame around it. It's one thing  to talk about sex at the grocery store or in other public places but the car is private. So private yes! Full of shame or something that we can't discuss outloud? No.

We are answering questions honestly.

Junia asked me the other day how Miriam got my my belly when I was pregnant.  I told her that Papa and I decided to put tiny bits of her inside of me and she would grow.  Then she asked what letter my name started with.  I guess she didn't care too much.  I could have given her the sex "talk" then. But she didn't really want to know that. It seems like her imagination isn't quite ready for that. But I wasn't going to move away from it.  How did we put her inside of me- that's a different question!  

Finally, we are doing our own work!

As a couple we are working through our very own shame and guilt issues around sex.  We are talking about where they come from and how they are reinforced and trying to liberate ourselves from our own struggles.  And, when we have sex we talk about it and enjoy it!  

Out of this, I hope that my daughters will grow to have awesome sexual partners! A healthy balanced and beautiful relationship with their own bodies! The self understanding to say no, to express discomfort, and to have the strength to have hard conversations!

So maybe we will make our kids nutso! Perhaps they will be more jacked than we could have imagined. But we are trying, we are being intentional, and for that I feel good I/We pat ourselves on the back.


  1. This is great! We got the book From Diapers to Dating, which is all about raising sexually healthy kids. This is the first step the book recommends - just talking about sex and bodies as normal, healthy things to be respected. You guys continue to be awesome parental role models :)


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