Letting my kids have rage too

Parenting, like nothing else, has put me in touch with my rage.  Anger simmers just below the surface for me in parenthood, and it make sense.  After all, where else in life does someone elses will so constantly conflict with mine!?  Where else is my body, my mind, and my spirit so constantly pushed and pulled? Of course rage is all around!

I have also learned in parenting that rage is okay. That feeling anger does not mean that it is inherently bad or hurtful. I've become more forgiving of my own feelings and more aware of them.

One of the things that makes me want to wack my kid(s) the most is when I tell J to do something and she growls at me.  Not growls like she is pretending to be an animal she gets snarky rude growl.  Today I told her to put her guitar down (in a place she would remember so she can play it later) and go on upstairs for her nap (I was following close behind).  And she, in her ever so three and ever so snarky way looked me in the eye and "uhhhhed" at me.

I was livid.
There was my rage right up there.
For her to talk to me like that! I freaking hate it.

To sent her upstairs to nap with no books. Being the amazing one that she is she did just that.

So then I had to get the wee-one down for a nap. So sitting there giving her a bottle gave me a chance to ponder my interaction with J. (And let me tell you we've had more than just this incident). I realized that I hate her anger. I want her to simply bow and comply with my desire. And there it was- the realization that she need a way to express her anger too.  And that, sure I don't like her response to me, but she isn't hitting, isn't yelling, isn't being totally inappropriate and for a three year old she is even doing remarkably well dealing with her anger.  Even if her response is irritating to me it isn't actually a horrible response.

Her will is just as squashed and scrunched as mine, and her anger is just as valid as mine.
Darn. I wanted to be large and in charge.

So I went in and we had a talk.
I told her I was sorry (I seem to be doing that a lot these days too), and that she has the right to feel whatever she is feeling. She accepted my apology.

Now, lets see if I can hold this in my mind in future flare ups.


  1. I totally feel you on this, I didn't think I had an anger management problem until I had a 2 year old. Ive been finding myself exploding more than I would like lately.

  2. Thank you Beth! I think of you as such a calm and cool person so it's good to know I'm not the only one.


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