I'm done.

There is this activity that I do with Miriam all the time.  I resent her for it.

It makes me wish I wasn't her mother, and though she seems to enjoy it she also enjoys other ways of being with me and playing with me.

Sean doesn't mind when I am with Miriam in this way- but he doesn't really think it helps me bond with her any more than he is bonded with her.

With just this description...should I continue this activity with her?

What if you knew that the activity was nursing?

Ladies and Gentlemen I am over it.  She bites me. I don't like pumping, but now that she bites I actually prefer a machine over my daughter. I resent her for "needing" it, even though it hasn't spared her any illness that has gone through the household and she seems plenty smart.

The fact of the matter, is that I have felt guilty.  Not because in practical terms I felt like I should keep nursing her.  No, I feel guilty in theoretical terms. I am all about attachment parenting in theory. I love that shit!  But I can't hack it and moreover, I don't want to hack it.  Baby wearing sounds lovely, and sometimes it is. But, it makes my back hurt.  Co-sleeping also I love sometimes.  I love snuggly baby and snoozing together. I also really enjoy cuddling with my partner and sleeping well.  Not working and being home with my baby(s) sounds so dreamy. But too much time with my kids makes me worse at being with them.

So after a long conversation in the car last week I am weaning. Once or twice a day I nurse her- but mostly for my comfort not for anything else.  I am over it.  And, frankly, I am feeling free.  Feeling like I don't have to be scared of her sharp little teeth getting me. I don't have to schedule my work day around pumping, I don't have to feel guilty any more.

Amen to that.


  1. Down with guilt! Up with making yourself happy. And I know nursing has not been easy for you from the beginning, so way to go for figuring out what works for you and following it. I'm sure that is what is best for your family!

  2. Entire generations were not breast fed because they were told formula was better and only the poorest breast fed, but I'd say that most of these formula fed children (now mostly baby boomers) are plenty intelligent. There is a strong culture of guilt and guilting surrounding mothering practices and it needs to stop! You have to do what's best for you and your family--and this is it. Maybe I should send you the book I just finished (my dad gave me "Sh**ty moms: parenting for the rest of us about two weeks before I had Roran and it provided a much-needed laugh). Let me know if you're interested and just message me your address :D


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