Sibling love

I am scared shitless of having a second baby.

Everyone around me is saying only negative things,
                              "are you ready to give up sleep again?"
                               "whoa what are you going to do about childcare."
Or even more benign things,
                              "Congrats, are you going to keep working?"
                              "Why would you prefer a girl you already have one?"
In my head I'm thinking:
                               "What the shit life finally feels balanced again."
                               "We cannot afford this."

                               "We really should stop having sex."

                               "Oh gosh not- more breastfeeding."

                             "

The fact of the matter is that I am dreading the lack fo sleep, anxious about childcare, I will keep working and don't tell me that having two daughters is like having two of the same person.   I've realized that there are no voices in my life telling me that having two kids is wonderful, or exciting, or that it is fun to see them together or any of that stuff.  For someone like me who starts with, "what is the worst case scenario of this event..." this is kind of a bad place to be.

It's also kinda bad because I don't like random people giving me advice or pladitudes. They have to be people I respect and love and who also feel the same about me. (be aware of this before you offer an advice laden comment :)

I'm sure it'll grow on me.  After all, I'm still in worst case scenario mode.

But wait, that is not why I started typing this post.  I was thinking about siblings, and even though I am scared about having a baby, I am really grateful that Junia will have a sibling.   (I actually think that only children are great so I'm not knocking them or their 'rents).  I don't mean that I'm grateful she will have a playmate or someone to share childhood with- sure that will come what I am grateful for is that she will not have to deal with Sean and I by herself.

My sister and I.

Our getting old, being loopy, and giving her some baggage is inevitable.  And, at some point when she and another person want to process that or plan our funerals or whatever I want there to be a sibling there for her and she for another. 

I couldn't find a picture with just my siblings- so here is us- and our partners and offspring.

In my own regard, I am vastly different from some of my siblings, but the process of losing my Dad and the fallout of all of that is a set of memories I am grateful I share with my siblings.  Knowing that someone else shares some of the same memories of my childhood is meaningful.  Calling my sister to discuss finances is different than anyone else because she knows the money baggage I have from childhood. Or asking my brother Jake for a favor is okay because he's my brother...on and on.  The fact is that most my siblings and I aren't really that close- but there is a closeness that we have that I don't share with anyone else simply because they are my siblings.  And this, is a wish I have for my children.