Sibling love

I am scared shitless of having a second baby.

Everyone around me is saying only negative things,
                              "are you ready to give up sleep again?"
                               "whoa what are you going to do about childcare."
Or even more benign things,
                              "Congrats, are you going to keep working?"
                              "Why would you prefer a girl you already have one?"
In my head I'm thinking:
                               "What the shit life finally feels balanced again."
                               "We cannot afford this."
                               "We really should stop having sex."
                               "Oh gosh not- more breastfeeding."

The fact of the matter is that I am dreading the lack fo sleep, anxious about childcare, I will keep working and don't tell me that having two daughters is like having two of the same person.   I've realized that there are no voices in my life telling me that having two kids is wonderful, or exciting, or that it is fun to see them together or any of that stuff.  For someone like me who starts with, "what is the worst case scenario of this event..." this is kind of a bad place to be.

It's also kinda bad because I don't like random people giving me advice or pladitudes. They have to be people I respect and love and who also feel the same about me. (be aware of this before you offer an advice laden comment :)

I'm sure it'll grow on me.  After all, I'm still in worst case scenario mode.

But wait, that is not why I started typing this post.  I was thinking about siblings, and even though I am scared about having a baby, I am really grateful that Junia will have a sibling.   (I actually think that only children are great so I'm not knocking them or their 'rents).  I don't mean that I'm grateful she will have a playmate or someone to share childhood with- sure that will come what I am grateful for is that she will not have to deal with Sean and I by herself.

My sister and I.
Our getting old, being loopy, and giving her some baggage is inevitable.  And, at some point when she and another person want to process that or plan our funerals or whatever I want there to be a sibling there for her and she for another. 

I couldn't find a picture with just my siblings- so here is us- and our partners and offspring.
In my own regard, I am vastly different from some of my siblings, but the process of losing my Dad and the fallout of all of that is a set of memories I am grateful I share with my siblings.  Knowing that someone else shares some of the same memories of my childhood is meaningful.  Calling my sister to discuss finances is different than anyone else because she knows the money baggage I have from childhood. Or asking my brother Jake for a favor is okay because he's my brother...on and on.  The fact is that most my siblings and I aren't really that close- but there is a closeness that we have that I don't share with anyone else simply because they are my siblings.  And this, is a wish I have for my children.


  1. I totally agree with this post on siblings. Keith and I are completely different, and have never really gotten along very well, BUT it's wonderful to have him to call and know we're on the same page, with the same history, about our parents and our families.

    Mike and Sara are great friends. They didn't get along until Mike's dad told him that because he was older, he was in control of the relationship. He just needed to treat Sara the way he wanted to be treated, and since then (age 5 or something!) they've had a good relationship, and I think they have a great reliance on each other and provide really good support for each other.

  2. So...

    1. Congrats! We haven't had a picnic in sooooo long. We are way behind on each other's news.

    2. I didn't want an only child. I always thought I'd have more. It wasn't my decision to stop at one.

    3. I regret for my girl that she IS an only child from lots of different aspects. Definitely the sibling thing--we have 6 in our family and I am grateful for the relationships we have with each other. She'll never have a sibling (although now has two step brothers that she seems to have a decent relationship with, it isn't the same acquiring those as an almost-adult).

    My girl moved to college and had never had to share a sink with anyone.... or a bed, or a closet, or a toy, or our attention. Not her fault -- just the way it is. A big adjustment for her.

    I send you love and hugs. And a picnic anytime soon would be awesome. I'm free all Thursdays and Fridays through the end of March. Text or FB me when YOU are free, yes?

  3. Wow I must be living in a "best case scenario" bubble because I hadn't heard,thought, or worried about a lot of those things with #2 on the way. (I know our circumstances are different with working vs staying at home.) I bet you will be amazed at how blessed you are by this second baby and it will be hard to remember what life was like before them. At least that is my prayer for you.

    And just for the record I consider my sisters my best friends and am so thankful for them.

    But after this baby you may want to consider not having anymore sex... ;)

  4. Whew, let me be that positive voice for you! Here are a few ways that we adore having multiple kiddos:
    1) it is much much easier being a parent with a subsequent child. You will be pleasantly surprised by how many SKILLS you've picked up along the way.
    2) the adjustment to two is a breeze because you're already in kid mode.
    3) your kids, despite occasional bickering, will adore one another. It really is amazing.
    4) as they grow older (and not even much older... I'm talking like 1 and 3), they will entertain one another for long periods of time and you can just sit down and relax. I seriously do much fewer playdates these days because the girls just play with one another.
    5) You have the gift of a new different personality in the family, which is often just what a family needs. Even though Hugo just sort of sits around these days, it's amazing how his personality has filled a void in our family.

    And you clearly have experienced the joy of siblings in adulthood... but I just thought I would list a few of the ways having little baby/toddler siblings has been fun.


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