Feb. 19 I love good advice....
Okay...I am doing this whole "I love" thing in February but the problem is that thinking in terms of "I love" often means that I come up with lists of things that "I hate." Yes. I am naturally a pessimist.
So a couple weeks ago I was talking with some other women parents. I mentioned how Junia has spent most of January with one form of illness or another. I was joking that, "she seems excited about having a little sibling but I think she is passive aggressively resenting the baby which is why I have to take all these sick days in January rather than getting maternity leave days." I was totally joking. I don't think Junia comprehends maternity leave enough to be passive aggressive. Hell I have to meet with an HR person just to have the ins and outs of it explained to me so I'm guessing it's not her natural forte.
Then one of the Mothers said in all seriousness, "Its true, maybe she's getting sick because she needs more Mama time."
And, instead of getting hurt or concerned for Junia I am just pissed off at this comment. I don't argue that it is or is not possible for kids to make themselves sick to be with parents. I don't doubt that children have complex phsychological lives. I don't resist the reality that sometimes kids need more time with their parents then they get.
What I do resist is making my child a phychology case study rather than a product of being around other bacteria and virus laden two year olds.
What I do resist is ignoring how much time I had been spending with her. Seriously the issue was that I was at home so much. When she was being dropped off at daycare the kid would practically leap out of the car into her classroom.
What I do resist is the unfreedom that places me into. It doesn't make me feel like a good parent or a good person to believe those things. I don't think that parents, like myself, need extra help feeling like crap about our parenting skills.
And, some children are great being with their parents all day long every day. Some parents are great being with their children all day long every day. But my experiences with that have been difficult. Moreover, I am thrilled that she has the opportunity to trust love from a whole community of people from daycare providers, other parents and of course her father....
So in the end, I am reminded why I believe listening deeply the the best way to love someone ...
So a couple weeks ago I was talking with some other women parents. I mentioned how Junia has spent most of January with one form of illness or another. I was joking that, "she seems excited about having a little sibling but I think she is passive aggressively resenting the baby which is why I have to take all these sick days in January rather than getting maternity leave days." I was totally joking. I don't think Junia comprehends maternity leave enough to be passive aggressive. Hell I have to meet with an HR person just to have the ins and outs of it explained to me so I'm guessing it's not her natural forte.
Then one of the Mothers said in all seriousness, "Its true, maybe she's getting sick because she needs more Mama time."
And, instead of getting hurt or concerned for Junia I am just pissed off at this comment. I don't argue that it is or is not possible for kids to make themselves sick to be with parents. I don't doubt that children have complex phsychological lives. I don't resist the reality that sometimes kids need more time with their parents then they get.
What I do resist is making my child a phychology case study rather than a product of being around other bacteria and virus laden two year olds.
What I do resist is ignoring how much time I had been spending with her. Seriously the issue was that I was at home so much. When she was being dropped off at daycare the kid would practically leap out of the car into her classroom.
What I do resist is the unfreedom that places me into. It doesn't make me feel like a good parent or a good person to believe those things. I don't think that parents, like myself, need extra help feeling like crap about our parenting skills.
And, some children are great being with their parents all day long every day. Some parents are great being with their children all day long every day. But my experiences with that have been difficult. Moreover, I am thrilled that she has the opportunity to trust love from a whole community of people from daycare providers, other parents and of course her father....
So in the end, I am reminded why I believe listening deeply the the best way to love someone ...
Comments
Post a Comment