Gray realities

Unlike 57% of the country my job satisfaction is up. I am really starting to get into my work, dream for the institution I work for and really get into it. I feel like I am good at what I do and, what I do matters. Of course as with all jobs, it is not perfect.

Tomorrow for the first time I will leave Junia with her nanny. All day. I am excited; though the first couple times (2x a week until the end of June) will be hard it will ultimately be good for our little bug to be with someone who is giving attention to her and one other kid not to her 580 teenagers.

Admittedly however, I am also sad to leave my little person. I want to be with her and to know what is happening in all of her moments. I want to be able to hold her when she cries and to delight in her giggles and to discuss her diapers as I change them.

So I am going to stop blathering about this. I keep trying to write this post and summarize my heart, guilt, joy, relief, anxiety all in one post. But the reality is that this is all very complicated and there is not a perfect way here. There is not an easy path or a clear path. Once again I find myself situated squarely in the gray realities of life.